My 5 Stages of Grief

I didn't believe it for quite some time but having a child who is diagnosed with a food allergy is just like being told that they have any other life effecting medical condition. And you are the one who needs to go through all the stages of grief in order to be present for your child.

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the 5 stages but just to clarify they are; 1.) Denial, 2.) Anger, 3.) Bargaining, 4.) Depression, and 5.) Acceptance.

My daughter was diagnosed over a year ago and I have just recently come to acceptance, so believe me it is a process.

Denial
When we were first given the diagnoses I was in shock, but I thought that I had a pretty good handle on it. She couldn't eat peanuts or peanut products, okay no biggie right. WRONG. I was at a point in the beginning of such denial and confusion that I cross contaminated my daughter several times. I never intentionally gave her peanut butter to see a reaction, but then I didn't have to.
My denial was so bad for so long that when we went to a birthday party January of this year, the mom there a nurse, asked, "Are you sure its okay to giver her M&M's, they say made in the same factory as peanuts?" I assured her it would be fine we had yet to have a cross contamination issue. Hearing that statement now just reminds me of how careless I was with my daughters health. And here was another mom with no allergy issues doing a better job of looking out for my child's inters then I was.

Anger
You better believe I was angry. Not a first it was rather something that built over time. (Just so you know I was never angry at my daughter just her allergy.) I was angry I couldn't make my traditional Christmas cookies, couldn't have peanut butter sandwiches, couldn't find a granola bar at the store that didn't involve nuts.

Bargaining
Maybe if I just have a little while she's sleeping, its not going to hurt her. Peanut M&M's are not okay but the regular ones will be fine. Maybe if there only made in the same factory it will be okay for her to eat. (By the way all of there are a NO, NO.)

Depression
The depression stage was interesting for me and thank goodness it did not last very long. It hit me one day over this past spring, it had been freezing cold and the television kept running commercials for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, one of my favorites I might add. I turned to my husband and said she will never get to eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or cookies, or a Payday, and so many other things I listed off. He just looked at me as if I had gone mad. "Of course she can't eat those things they all have peanuts in them." I knew this on of course, but that day it washed over me like a wave. She will never get to experience these things and I cried. Not just because she couldn't have some candies, but for all those little childhood experience that would have to be altered just so for her to participate in them, for the fear and the constant vigilance that she would have to take on for the rest of her life. Knowing that this would follow her for all her days.

Acceptance
After I had my good cry I began reading, not just the handouts from the doctor, but websites, I watched online videos, listened to old webinars.  And most influential of all I joined a support group on Facebook. I was learning, asking questions, and getting support, not just for the now but for the future. With my newly found education I began sharing, first with my Husband, then with family, and they with everyone. Every new person I meet and speak with I see as one more person I can teach about food allergies, and not just for my daughter's sake, but for the sake of anyone with a food allergy. It is a subject I feel needs more attention, education and understanding. I even plan to host a booth at our local fair to pass out pamphlets on allergy awareness.

I went from the mother of a food allergic child to an activist for food allergy awareness in the span of fourteen months. Here is to hoping that others have better luck reaching there acceptance stage.